After last night, I could never be a politician.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
