Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
That reminds me...we need to get swords
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
