Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
