Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
