if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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