girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
