is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
