what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
