Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
