So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
