I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
