Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
