I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
