she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
