So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
