nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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