the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
