The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Just puked most of my soul out..
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
