It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
