Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
