Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
