Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
