Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
