no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
