Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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