i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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