Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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