4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
