I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
