the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
