I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
