hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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