He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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