Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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