i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
