my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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