She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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