I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
