Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
