dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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