I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
