fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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