Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
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