if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Everything about him screamed your future.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
