why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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