So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
