Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
