It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
