I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
