Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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